one. to read more books and comics.
two. to play more video games.
three. to give into impulse more often and take advantage of my time.
four. to be more willing and honest in my relationships with other people.
five. to relax.

Another night like the last post, but this one is less productive. I wonder if I could make music, having no history of creative music in my past. I'd like to find out without spending $400 on a USB MIDI keyboard. Started and finished Christmas shopping today (yesterday). Either I'm very efficient or not very thoughtful. I thought I did well considering I was only really buying for my siblings this year. Watched There Will Be Blood. then King of California. both amazing. Drank too much caffeine today. Who needs four shots of espresso in a light roast coffee? First and last buzzsaw from Rocca Jacks. Colder than hell lately, but I still like being outside.

will crash at some point

I'm sitting in the dark of my bedroom after a power nap. My brother is back from Montreal for good now. And I hung out with him all afternoon. Talked a lot of good and I must be excited to get started because I somehow woke right up and couldn't get back to sleep. I've been trying to rely less on a scheduled life, which is difficult with a specific work schedule, and when I start to feel the pull of creativity I've been trying to not ignore it. I put down an outline for thirteen pages in a comic I'm doing, and suddenly, I feel great. I know I have a long day tomorrow, but it should be mostly fun, and I'm debating whether or not to go tired for a day. Naps help, but maybe I should start indulging in my art more. thirteen is good, but thirty would be great. and that's not even close to book one. Also I need to put up more drawings to remind me of what I do.

I've been possibly enjoying being ill a little too much. Sitting on the couch watching movies, playing games, and eating. Deadly combination. Of course, in between all of that, I've made considerable progress on a comic project (considerable in that I'm almost allowing myself to start it). I should be doing that tonight, but instead, I may just watch another trashy movie and let it percolate. Also, I need to get out and play in the snow more.

Thirty-two inches

I chatted over Facebook with a friend from art school today and realized not how much I missed her, which I do, but rather how much I'm dependent on other people to make my life work. I've always been introverted at my own luxury. Safe in the thought that even if I don't need to speak to people on a daily basis, I still see them. The only person I've consistently seen on a daily basis for the longest time is myself. I'm not complaining about being lonely because I am always hanging out with my closest friends. No, what I'm talking about is an awareness of something deeper than simply not hanging out with people enough. It is the fact that there is a point where I cannot get any closer to a person than I am. I become aware of it when I reach that thresh and then withdraw. This is totally aside from the quality of my relationships with people, mind. But in that sobering moment of clarity, I could be surrounded by a legion of my favourite people, and feel empty.

So like the good consumerist I am, I bought possessions to make me feel better. I bought a modestly large high definition television to play video games on. And it helped. And I felt satisfied with its size in my apartment. And I felt productive today while I chatted with my friend, played video games, and listened to music.